I wrote a dirty story

Post by **Gunsmith** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 10:44

it's called "Five to ten"

Horny dudes will like this one

http://www.dontpaniconline.com/xarpages ... e/?id=1453

leave a comment!

BP · Post by BP » Thu Nov 30, 2006 13:32

I see somebody had an overdose of Vishema's coffee.

You've used the word "fuck" about 34 times in this whole story. Might as well be a new record for a short story?

Despite the weird subject, I like how you've used your descriptions and details well when talking about the main character's desprateness.

Vice Vecta · Post by **Vice Vecta** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 15:10

stupid chinese proxies, I can't open the site...

Is it possible to paste the story here?

Fuu · Post by **Fuu** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 18:37

Gunsmith i see you have been the webmaster of an internet community for a long time.

It's pretty nice, but i think the ending is too forced. The internet is fast damn!

Post by **Gunsmith** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 20:58

fast damn or damn fast?

criticism noted! *hmms and nods*

Shiny · Post by **Shiny** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 21:08

Read.

Weird. You want better criticism, please send money to my Paypal account. Thank you.

Post by **Gunsmith** » Thu Nov 30, 2006 23:38

short stories are a lot harder, you can't just keep writing to your heart's content

hey, help me out here, gotta hand this in asap

http://karlsimposter.com/text/bareback% ... arless.htm

you likey or dupk fail?

Fuu · Post by **Fuu** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:07

I like it. It think it has good tension.

But then again english is not my first language. You know what, pay Shiny to criticize your work just to be sure.

Post by **Gunsmith** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:39

i can only offer shiny $ex

Shiny · Post by **Shiny** » Fri Dec 01, 2006 16:12

Gunsmith wrote:i can only offer shiny $ex

Perhaps something else then? Your sex is all over ON; not exclusive. Or profitable.

j/k, I'll read over it.

BP · Post by BP » Sat Dec 02, 2006 06:34

Frankly, I thought the discussion and rollercoster of emotions from remorse, to anger to even sarcasm between both Harry and Charlie felt as if they were just like any real people who were put into this situation.

In short, it was well written.

7d3j · Post by **7d3j** » Sun Dec 03, 2006 12:45

Oh man, against swearing makes you a 'pansy'?

It was a little too short, I guess. But the ending left some taste in the mouth.

International Bastard · Post by **International Bastard** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 02:18

Gunsmith NEVER fails to excite me.

-4n'Dant3- · Post by **-4n'Dant3-** » Mon Dec 11, 2006 08:44

i don't know why, but i thought charlie was a guy and that they were a gay couple until the end.

well written.

Zyzyfer · Post by **Zyzyfer** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 09:58

Furry liquids? WTF?